Overboard
I wrote this short story about 5 or 6 years ago. There was a time when I was writing a poetry book and my old laptop crashed. I stopped writing for awhile and this was one of the first things I wrote.
Walking up the stairs to my room on the cruise ship, I pleasantly remember the conversation me and my mother had a few hours before dinner on the phone. I told her everyone was irritating me and I just wanted to go home. I also told her how much I wished she was here. She cutely replied, " Girl yourrrr an Actress! You better act like your having the best time of your life for me and come home to tell me all about it!". I laughed remembering the conversation then frowned thinking about how I rushed her off the phone because I didn't want to take my frustrations out on her. We were in such a good place. The mother-daughter teen years were letting up and we were starting not to be at each others throats.
I begin to look down feeling bad and decided to call her phone, but before that I receive a few aim notifications.
"I'm so sorry about your mom"
"I heard what happened to your mom. I'm so sorry"
Before I was prepared to call I felt an uneasiness in my stomach that I couldn't shake. After receiving those messages my stomach churned with emotions.
I reply back " What are you talking about?"
No reply.
I frantically call my mother's phone (310) 251-5611 rhythmically synced in my mind- "Hey sorry I can't get to the phone right now, leave me a message and I'll holla back, have a blessed day!" I begin to let out a faint giggle at her corny voice-mail and sigh in frustration. My body feels weird, like a snake had crawled inside and spit poisonous venom. Double tapping the green miniature telephone on my red blackberry pearl, I redial the number.
No answer.
I panic and begin to dial back.
ring ring.. ring ring..
"Hello", I hear a squeaky chipper voice that does not belong to my mother. The voice belongs to a tenant who rents our back guest room.
"Hi, Teka can I talk to my mother?"
Irritation clearly in my voice.
I hear a pregnant pause and she begins to tell me how my mother had an asthma attack and she was in the hospital, but she'll be just fine. I laugh in disbelief and anger as I hear the lies erupt from her mouth like lava. I ask my question again and the same lies are presented with hesitation. I am now livid. I have never cursed out an adult in my fifteen years of life, but this bitch tried it.
"Where the fuck is my fucking mother?!" I yell frantically
"Let me talk to her now!!"
Lies pour out her mouth trying reason with me all the reasons I couldn't talk to her and I wasn't having it. I hang up now boiling with anger and rage fearing the worst and throw my phone at the wall, breaking my case in the process as tears stream down my face. I can't explain the emptiness I felt as I run up several flights of stairs getting to the top of the dock.
I stand close to the ledge preparing to jump off the cruise ship. Arms shaking as the salty river streams down my cheeks. I am convulsed with emotions and begin gasping for air because I could no longer breath; it hurt too much.
Abruptly I hear a voice of reasoning in my head. I couldn't do this. What if she is okay and she wakes up to look around wondering where I am? She told me her worst fear was to bury me before her and in my mind I told myself the only way that would happen is if I'd dive in front of a bullet for her. I would never have peace in death if I caused her that pain.
Stepping away from the ledge I walk to a patio door and let it catch me as I slide down balling up like an infant. I let out soft cries of agony. I sit in front of the patio door of the dinning hall for about twenty minutes and finally get myself together and head downstairs knowing that my dance company would be looking for me.
* * *
I rush out the terminal with my best friends mother in toe. My cousin is texting me asking what terminal I would be at. Oblivious to everything that was going on I try to give them the information, but I'm too slow.
I arrive to see my "God parents" from my mother's side. I greet them and they begin to put my luggage into the car taking me to an unknown destination. I sit back and timidly ask them when I'd be able to see my mother at the hospital. They silence my worries by telling me that would be the next destination only to have us arrive at my "God mother's" parents home. I begin to get annoyed and restless only to be told that we will be dropping my clothes off here and then begin heading to the hospital.
As I enter the room confused, I see one of my mother's favorite cousin who lives in Fontana, her best friend, and a slew of strange women that I'd never laid eyes on a day in my life. I timidly greet everyone and I am told to have a seat. I'm still annoyed because it seems like they wont stop procrastinating and take me to the hospital.
* * *
A room full of strangers.
The room gets so quiet you could hear a mouse sneeze.
"Listen, we are not going to the hospital. Your mom passed away on Tuesday night."
I roll my eyes in annoyance and proceed to get up out of my seat heading to the door preparing to hop on the train to every kaiser in the Los Angeles County.
"Grab her"
"Sit her ass down!"
I am snatched by my arm and tossed into a couch chair like a rag doll. I compose myself ready to fight every middle aged woman in the plush carpet living room.
"Why would you lie to me like that? I'm going to catch the bus to visit my mother, just leave me alone"
"Hold her arms down"
"She's gone Keysha. She passed away."
I couldn't stop the ocean of tears that made a secret passage down my face. She lied to me. I made her promise not to die. She promised me that she'd never leave me even with her protest of saying that she couldn't control the future. I made her promise. I should've jumped. I knew it! I felt it.
I feel a cold towel wipe my face as strange women awed like this was a circus act. Look at the poor little black orphan girl. Where would I live? How could I live? I am embraced by women who I'd barely knew and I was angry. Why would she leave me? She was all I had left. I would die for her. If there was a way to rewind time in this very instant I would lay down and die the most painful death for her. She was my best friend.
I began to remember times when I'd tell her that I didn't want to live without her. If she'd ever die, I told her we would die together. My daddy was gone, my grandparents, and a slew of relatives whom I adored were all gone. Here I was at fifteen for the first time really knowing what it was like to truly feel alone.
Walking up the stairs to my room on the cruise ship, I pleasantly remember the conversation me and my mother had a few hours before dinner on the phone. I told her everyone was irritating me and I just wanted to go home. I also told her how much I wished she was here. She cutely replied, " Girl yourrrr an Actress! You better act like your having the best time of your life for me and come home to tell me all about it!". I laughed remembering the conversation then frowned thinking about how I rushed her off the phone because I didn't want to take my frustrations out on her. We were in such a good place. The mother-daughter teen years were letting up and we were starting not to be at each others throats.
I begin to look down feeling bad and decided to call her phone, but before that I receive a few aim notifications.
"I'm so sorry about your mom"
"I heard what happened to your mom. I'm so sorry"
Before I was prepared to call I felt an uneasiness in my stomach that I couldn't shake. After receiving those messages my stomach churned with emotions.
I reply back " What are you talking about?"
No reply.
I frantically call my mother's phone (310) 251-5611 rhythmically synced in my mind- "Hey sorry I can't get to the phone right now, leave me a message and I'll holla back, have a blessed day!" I begin to let out a faint giggle at her corny voice-mail and sigh in frustration. My body feels weird, like a snake had crawled inside and spit poisonous venom. Double tapping the green miniature telephone on my red blackberry pearl, I redial the number.
No answer.
I panic and begin to dial back.
ring ring.. ring ring..
"Hello", I hear a squeaky chipper voice that does not belong to my mother. The voice belongs to a tenant who rents our back guest room.
"Hi, Teka can I talk to my mother?"
Irritation clearly in my voice.
I hear a pregnant pause and she begins to tell me how my mother had an asthma attack and she was in the hospital, but she'll be just fine. I laugh in disbelief and anger as I hear the lies erupt from her mouth like lava. I ask my question again and the same lies are presented with hesitation. I am now livid. I have never cursed out an adult in my fifteen years of life, but this bitch tried it.
"Where the fuck is my fucking mother?!" I yell frantically
"Let me talk to her now!!"
Lies pour out her mouth trying reason with me all the reasons I couldn't talk to her and I wasn't having it. I hang up now boiling with anger and rage fearing the worst and throw my phone at the wall, breaking my case in the process as tears stream down my face. I can't explain the emptiness I felt as I run up several flights of stairs getting to the top of the dock.
I stand close to the ledge preparing to jump off the cruise ship. Arms shaking as the salty river streams down my cheeks. I am convulsed with emotions and begin gasping for air because I could no longer breath; it hurt too much.
Abruptly I hear a voice of reasoning in my head. I couldn't do this. What if she is okay and she wakes up to look around wondering where I am? She told me her worst fear was to bury me before her and in my mind I told myself the only way that would happen is if I'd dive in front of a bullet for her. I would never have peace in death if I caused her that pain.
Stepping away from the ledge I walk to a patio door and let it catch me as I slide down balling up like an infant. I let out soft cries of agony. I sit in front of the patio door of the dinning hall for about twenty minutes and finally get myself together and head downstairs knowing that my dance company would be looking for me.
* * *
I rush out the terminal with my best friends mother in toe. My cousin is texting me asking what terminal I would be at. Oblivious to everything that was going on I try to give them the information, but I'm too slow.
I arrive to see my "God parents" from my mother's side. I greet them and they begin to put my luggage into the car taking me to an unknown destination. I sit back and timidly ask them when I'd be able to see my mother at the hospital. They silence my worries by telling me that would be the next destination only to have us arrive at my "God mother's" parents home. I begin to get annoyed and restless only to be told that we will be dropping my clothes off here and then begin heading to the hospital.
As I enter the room confused, I see one of my mother's favorite cousin who lives in Fontana, her best friend, and a slew of strange women that I'd never laid eyes on a day in my life. I timidly greet everyone and I am told to have a seat. I'm still annoyed because it seems like they wont stop procrastinating and take me to the hospital.
* * *
A room full of strangers.
The room gets so quiet you could hear a mouse sneeze.
"Listen, we are not going to the hospital. Your mom passed away on Tuesday night."
I roll my eyes in annoyance and proceed to get up out of my seat heading to the door preparing to hop on the train to every kaiser in the Los Angeles County.
"Grab her"
"Sit her ass down!"
I am snatched by my arm and tossed into a couch chair like a rag doll. I compose myself ready to fight every middle aged woman in the plush carpet living room.
"Why would you lie to me like that? I'm going to catch the bus to visit my mother, just leave me alone"
"Hold her arms down"
"She's gone Keysha. She passed away."
I couldn't stop the ocean of tears that made a secret passage down my face. She lied to me. I made her promise not to die. She promised me that she'd never leave me even with her protest of saying that she couldn't control the future. I made her promise. I should've jumped. I knew it! I felt it.
I feel a cold towel wipe my face as strange women awed like this was a circus act. Look at the poor little black orphan girl. Where would I live? How could I live? I am embraced by women who I'd barely knew and I was angry. Why would she leave me? She was all I had left. I would die for her. If there was a way to rewind time in this very instant I would lay down and die the most painful death for her. She was my best friend.
I began to remember times when I'd tell her that I didn't want to live without her. If she'd ever die, I told her we would die together. My daddy was gone, my grandparents, and a slew of relatives whom I adored were all gone. Here I was at fifteen for the first time really knowing what it was like to truly feel alone.
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