A dog bite into the flow of Life

During my couch surfing chronicles in Atlanta with a few nice strangers, I had an encounter that sort of put things into perspective. After having to leave the first nice lady's house when her mother in law came into town, I found myself back in a chick fila trying to find a new place to stay while I found a job. I had finally humbled myself enough to try and go through with going to a shelter.

After I put my name on the list, I researched the shelter they placed me at. Much to my surprise, when I googled the shelter there were many reviews reccounting how their belongings were stolen. All I had was a crappy phone and a dead macbook that I was saving to possibly pawn if things got too hard where I was super strapped for cash. Nervous and half against going, I signed into my facebook in hopes that maybe the Atlanta housing group would bring me good forture again.

I'd honestly rather sleep in a stranger's home than go to a shelter where I would probably be treated like less of a person. Both are a gamble in their own right regardless. I wound up getting a message from a lady who didn't live too far from where I was. This turned out to be great because I was on limited funds and I didn't want my uber fare to be outrageous. Some may be thinking just catch the bus, but in rural areas of Georgia they don't have bus lines- terrible I know.

For the sake of the story I'll call the new lady Plum. Her nickname was another food, but for to keep her identity hidden I'll just say Plum or Ms. Plum. Before going to Ms.Plum's house, she asked me a little about myself in order to fill me out. She asked if I was afraid of dogs since she has a Pomeranian. Small dogs didn't really scare me since the ones I usually were around tended to be nice.

During the week I stayed there I got bit three times by her dog. The first time he only took a small piece of skin, the second he tried attacking my feet (thank God for socks), and the last time he bit through my right index finger so bad that it swelled and bled. When I first came, the dog was friendly and nice to me. He let me pet him and he licked my hand eargerly which lead me to believe he was good dog. Later on while trying to pet him, he growled visciously a bit my left hand.

I decided to consciously stay away from him after the first bite. The next time when I was on my way to the bathroom, he attacked my feet out of nowhere. It was as if his little bad butt was possessed. Eventually he came up to me the next day jumping into my arms and licking my hands like we were old friends. Later on that night, however, when I went to pet him he attacked me again in the worst way almost not wanting to let go of my finger. This was by far the worst of the three bites and I was sure the dog was manic bipolar. I didn't know that was even possible. After my finger swelled so bad to the point where I could barely move it, I made sure to stear clear of the crazy dog once and for all.

Each time I got bit, the dog found it's way back to me only to bite me again. The incident made me think about people and how we give them chance after chance while they continue to burn or disappoint. With the first disappointment it takes a small piece of skin off the surface, but the more the pattern continues the worst our wounds become. How many times do you have to burn yourself until you realize a stove is hot? How many times does a dog have to bite when you're being nice until you realize that's just a bad dog? Don't answer that. Let me take a step deeper. How many times do we have be disappointed or hurt by people to realize they are just not for us and be okay with letting go?

I'm super forgiving probably to a fault. With losing so many people, I have found that life is too short so when I care about people I try hard not to give up on them. Although I don't go around taking back every broken friendship, I try to salvage some of the ones that were more good than bad. I realize now that in a way I conditioned myself to tolerate disfuction within some not so good relationships that I had whether it be friend, family, or romantic.

When people show you who they are believe them the first time. I touch on this in my book The Commandments of Womanhood in the chapters Thou Shall Not Settle for Inconsistency and Protect Thy Energy. The incident with the dog reminded me a little of a friend I once had. I saw so much of myself in her and more. She was like a younger sister who I had a soft spot for because she was a lot like the younger me. She would do things that rubbed me the wrong a way, but get mad at me when I was offended by her actions.

I'm not one for conflict so I either try to resolve it in the moment or take a small break until we cool off then resolve it later. She was sort of a hot head; very passionate in the moment and if you chose to silently process instead of being equally combative in the moment it made her angry. I'm more of a calm resolution type. If we are calm in the moment I'll address it then, but it's too heated I'll wait then address a little later. In each case I still forgive quickly. Not her, if you didn't ressolve it then she's mad forever and holds a grudge for the longest. I began to notice a pattern with the fallouts. I hadn't fell out with a super close friend in ages and it seemed like it was always something with her. She would be nice then it would end up being a repeat of her doing something out of pocket then getting mad if I'd call her out on it. After the first time she stopped talking to me for like 4 months, she told me that if she ever tried to stop talking to me or got mad at me to tell her to get over it.

Eventually I realized letting people go that don't naturally flow with you consistently does not make you wrong. I like consistency in my relationships whether platonic or romantic. I've had a hard inconsistent life filled with so many ups and downs so if I can control it, I prefer to only deal with people who are authentic and consistent at all times.

I don't have to talk to my friends all the time, but when we come together it should be more positive than anything. If you bring to much conflict or chaos continuously, you must go. If you don't have standards for what you tolerate you will continue to allow people to hurt you time and time again.

It's okay to not deal with certain people and love them from a distance. If people's true colors are not condusive to who you are becoming then let them flow into irrelevance within your life. It's not your responsibility try and save everyone or make them be the best they can be. The only thing you have control over is SELF. Eventually, it gets exhausting trying to mend things that refuse to mend themselves. You can't make others realize their greatness if they refuse to open their eyes.

I read an interesting post on instagram that put things into prospective. It talk about how people come into your life for a purpose and when you try to hold on to that person longer than they were supposed to be in your life after the fullfilled that purpose you burn yourself. I believe my old friend came into my life to inspire me to write again. She inspired my first book and everytime she became distant or there was a fallout my book came to life. I believe those fallouts were the natural flow of life shifting us into differnt directions.

I don't hang with bad spirited people, so despite her character flaws due to toxic and tramatic events as well as relationships in her life, I believe that she is an amazing human being full of light and love. For the lessons she's shown me she will forever be my little sister and have a place in my heart no matter if we ever speak again.

It was not by chance that we met and I believe the purpose she had in my life was fulfilled. I feel the same to the other few friendships I've lost throughout the years. I don't let people in easily and when I call someone a friend it means a lot to me. Regardless, I've learned to accept that it's inevitable to hold on to anything in this world. Everything is temporary.

What I also had to learn as I encountered seasonal friends is to respect the lessons they present in my life. I use to wonder if it was me and what I had to do to change myself so the next friendship would last. When you evolve as a person, expect to lose some friendships or acquaintances along the way because the more you ascend, the more what was  once attracted to you no longer has relevance to your life.

Evolve as a person, but never change your core. Stay true to yourself and embrace the flow of life. Some people's role in your life may last longer than others, but no matter how hard it may be you have to learn to let old relationships flow as they go.

A lot of self discovery came about through writing as well as living The Commandments of Womanhood along with Toure Roberts Purpose Awakening and Wholeness. These are key tools that have helped me not only recognize old patterns, but evolve into a better version of myself. In Toure Roberts book Wholeness, he goes in depth on how to recognize triggering patterns that show signs of brokenness.

Over the years I recognized, I held on so tightly to people because I was afraid of seeing people go. With each death of those close to me, I not only cherished the people that I still had, but it hurt me when life lead them away from me. Once I found Wholeness within myself through much soul searching I recognized the natural flow of people. Evolve in your existence while welcoming the entrances and exits of people you may encounter. We are all just visitors on a journey through this obstacle course we call life.