An Orphan's cry.
They're safely tucked away because I'm afraid if I let one more tear escape, I'll never stop that hurricane of pain from ressurfacing again.
I think what hurts more than not having you here is knowing how gifted you were and feeling like not enough people got to hear you.
Not enough people got to hear God's breath illuminating from your wind pipes as melodies danced from the inner depths of your soul.
Not enough people got to be near you because if they had they'd want to shield you from all harm and stay entangled in your loving arms.
Looking at old photographs of you and dad, remembering the days when angels walked the earth.
A heavenly presence captivated in my essence and you guys are to thank for such a blessing.
If time could capsulate your love I'd press pause on my wonder years so I'd never have to grow up.
Freeze frame us three in front of that big ole Christmas tree so I could hold on to my family.
This is my orphan's cry because my grief still comes in stages and my pain comes in waves.
There's this volcano errupting within me and at times I still find it hard to breathe.
My battered soul sometimes brings me to my knees.
I need this pain to quit haunting me.
I need this grief to just set me free.
The pain and grief just screams, " Acknowledge me! "
If I do, will you finally set me free or will you keep taunting me? Haunting me with these recurring dreams where I'm always two steps away from my destiny.
You see this destiny is not just mine, but for both you and I.
These words are for the girl in me that refused to cry. The one who rushed home one summer to find out her mother had also died. The one who also carries a dead 15 year old somewhere deep inside along with the dead 7 year old who still deeply cries with her father's eyes. The one who sighs at 25 because she was supposed to die. Failed suicide. How'd she survive?
Had to take a moment to write out this orphan's cry in hopes that somehow this pain and grief would finally die.
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