Twenty Something

Dear twenty something, you are not a failure. So what, you didn't finish college or you don't have your life all the way figured out. That doesn't make you any less awesome. The great thing about the time we live in is that you don't need a degree to dictate how successful you can become. Take Mike Zuckerberg and Bill Gates for instance, both college dropouts and multi billionaires. Carbi B was a stripper two years ago, now she's breaking records on the billboards, and making millions.

This is the era of the go getter. Sink or swim. Eat or be eaten, it's up to you. There have been so many success stories about people who have taken what they loved to do and turned their passion into their paycheck so never let your qualifications get you down. A few months or a year from now you could very well be the next Bill or Mike.

The other day I was talking to an old friend of my late mother and she kept going on and on about college. She wanted to know everything I had been up to since my mother's passing and I gave her a quick synopsis. In all honesty, I had lived 3 different lives in the 9 years since my mother's death and I was a different person from the 15 year old girl who had to plan her mother's funeral. For the sake of the story I'll just call her Mrs. Bebe.

Mrs. Bebe kept saying how I should go back to finish after I told that I didn't finish college. It seemed like she spent more time telling me her hopes and dreams for me than accepting who I was becoming. Was I dating? Have I dated? Do I want kids? Where do I see myself 5 years from now? You should finish school and become a teacher. I really wished you'd go back and finish school. It's only $6000 per semester at UNLV. Who has an extra 12-15k a year to spend on school? Not I!

Ironically Mrs. Bebe called at a time where I wasn't at the most financially appealing space no longer having my own place or working, but in my mind I wasn't a total lost cause. I had self published my first book this past July and I was traveling to new places I'd always wanted to visit like New York,  Miami, and Atlanta. So what if some of my time in those places were spent sleeping in airports because I ran out of money for hotels and airbnbs, I was doing things I wanted to do. For once I was living life freely and not trying too hard to adult while being responsible. I had been adulting since I was 15 and I was TIDE!

Last year I can remember telling a close friend of mine how I wanted to go to new places and travel more. I truly wanted Hawaii again, but for now I was content with just a few United States attraction cities. Oneday I'd be able to afford to travel like I wanted to exotic destinations and even go out of the country. Now of course, I didn't tell her I was living in airports so she could belittle my life even more than she already was, but I did proudly point out how I was traveling and getting my book out there.

Mrs. Bebe goes on to ask how my book was doing. Truthfully, I admitted how it wasn't selling as fast as I thought it would, but confidently followed up with how great my idea was and that I was sure it would be a hit in no time after the positive feedback I received from my free release on my blog previously. I mean if we're being completely honest I only sold one copy aside from buying and author copy as well as one for an influencer who'd promoted my book a few times. Regardless of my lack of immediate success, I believe that the climate is shifting perfectly for my book to have the amazing success that I know it deserves now. Once again to downplay my achievement of publishing my first book, Mrs.Bebe talked about how many books she's written and how she'd never been able to make enough off of them to support herself. You could tell in her tone she was subly trying to imply that it couldn't become a "practical" career for me, but call it the dreamer in me I couldn't take her past failures as the final destination for my own book and future ones.

Being 25 is a tough age because your 5 years from 30 and when your life hasn't quite panned out like you'd thought it should've. You think at 25 you should have your life at least half way together by now, but sometimes life takes you on a different course. Stress of early/mid twenties can have a way of getting you down sometimes especially when you have people like my mom's friend trying to subtly tell you how much of a F@#k up you are.

This was the first time in awhile that I didn't have a job and my own place. In the past, I'd at least would have one of the two or both so to have nothing, but a few dollars and failed businesses to my name started to weigh heavy on me. I had been so busy looking at the bigger picture of what I wanted for my life that I disregarded my current circumstances. That phone call honestly almost crushed my spirit and I can admit I teared up a little afterwards. In a split second, however, my sadness turned to motivation for success and gave me the perfect idea for my second book. I was so tired of people telling me their past failures of how their books or businesses didn't work out as if that would stop me from believing that mine could go the distance. Thinking back to everyone who tried to kill my dreams made me want to document my road to success and create something to inspire all the dreamers to never quit.

Truthfully, I'd always thought I'd be a millionaire by 21 and a billionaire by 25. As far fetched as it seems, that's always how invisioned my life(very young and successful). I've literally been starting my own businesses since I was 16 and I just knew something would stick by now. Vividly, I can even remember me spending hours trying to come up with inventions when I was 19. I'd like to think of the delay to my funds as just God's way of humbling me because I'm a billionaire waiting for my bank account to catch up.

In March of 2017, I quit my job at Hulu and on June 30th, I left my apartment in downtown Long Beach with only the clothes on my back and a bag full of home videos/some photos of my childhood on a one way ticket to Boston. I stayed with my older cousin for 3 1/2 months longer than I thought I would've because I'd originally only planned to stay until the end of the summer then move to Atlanta. After living with him for a few months, he convinced me to get a job there and see what Boston had to offer. Ironically, I'd gotten a job I'd always wanted when I was in my late teens/early 20s which was to work at At&t and I hated it. I didn't feel like I belonged there.

Atlanta kept calling out to me. It screamed promise land for success and I couldn't stop longing for the day I'd leave Boston. Going against everything I told myself and getting another job after I swore to myself that Hulu was the last was eating at me. I never saw myself just working a regular job and retiring. I saw coorperations along with thriving businesses and achievements for me.

2017 was a year of alignment, release, and CHANGE. After the death of my cousin, I just felt like I needed to live my life for me. It felt like Deja vu of me planning my mother's funeral and my phone was constantly bombarded with calls from people that wanted me to take on more than I was confortable with. The feeling of being spread too thin was an understatement. I was just too much to everybody and I just wanted to be everything to myself for once. I turned off my iphone, gave it away, and got a free galaxy express 3 from ATT with a promotion for the prepaid service. I gave away all of my clothes, shoes, apartment stuff, and before that I had donated all my camera/camera equipment to a church I used to attend.

I found myself buying so many one way tickets to everywhere, but the place my heart was leading me. When I finally did leap, it seemed like I had nothing to show for it. After working unhappily at At&t while in Boston, my district manager noticed my disdain and allowed my position to be released so I could transfer somewhere else. I excitedly began applying to stores in different states that I wanted to go to. Before I could get a transfer finalized, my cousin informed me that his apartment manager found out about me living there and that he said that he would go up on their rent if I stayed. Not wanting their rent to be raised, I decided to just leave and use that as a sign to go where I'd been yearning. After I had got my next check in two weeks I would say goodbye to Bean Town and hello HOTLANTA.

After all I was turning 25 in a week(November 10th). This was the freshstart that I'd been wanting since I was 15. A new city and state where nobody knew my name to start over and thrive in peace. This was scary and so out of my element, but I was finally ready to leap. I had previously booked a ticket before and got cold feet, but this time I had no other options. I no longer had my own place in California and I just needed more than what Boston could give me.

Atlanta was where I needed to be. I wanted to buy my first house at 25 and build my brand there. I'd been having so many dreams and signs that it was the place for me so my nerves eased. My plan was to not come back to California until I was in a better position than when I left. I wanted to be in shape, successful, and just the true definition of glowed up when I resurfaced. I knew two people who lived there and one said I had an open invitation to stay once I got there. To my surprise they didn't answer my texts or calls once I got there and the other person I knew had moved back to Cali so when I actually got to Atlanta I didn't know anybody. I also didn't have a secured job.

Before I left Boston, I resigned from At&t in order to reapply once I flew in like my manager told me to do since the stores I applied to internally were dragging their feet. I didn't have a place to stay in Boston and I didn't want to lease an overpriced outdated apartment for a year. Once I made it to Atlanta, I realized that even with being here I still was getting the run around when it came to jobs. I was calling and applying like crazy open positions for At&t and Sprint. I even went by in person to a couple of stores and dropped off my resume. They said they'd be calling me for an interview and eventually my follow ups just ended up being dead ends. My once confident plan of keeping my job once I got here and being able to rent a house soon looked further from my reality.

After staying in hotels for the first two and a half weeks, I eventually got the nerve to do airbnb since I was running low on funds. My final check finally came so I was eventually able to book a room through airbnb for 3 weeks near Cleveland ave. Had I known how my much cheaper airbnb was before hand, I could've saved so much more from my previous hotel stays because 55 and 80 dollars a day quickly ate what I had saved.

The house I stayed in for the last 3 weeks was nice and kind've looked like something I eventually wanted to get for myself. I told myself if I didn't get a job by the time I started my 3 week booking at the airbnb, I would just make the most of my time in Atlanta and relax. Me making the most of my time while running low on funds consisted of me staying mostly in the room and ordering postmates of chickfila and other fast food. To be quite honest besides job hunting and going from hotel to hotel, I hadn't saw much of Atlanta or really did anything of substance besides watch motivational interviews on my laptop.

Christmas came and I realized that I only had less than 300 dollars to my name. I figured I would buy two one way tickets to places I wanted to visit and just let life figure itself out. After purchasing the two tickets, I had about a little over $40 left. I wanted success for my book and to be able to provide for myself from following my dreams. I was tired of working for others and figured if nobody would give me a job, I would try to go hard for myself. I booked a trip to New York and then a trip to Miami. I didn't know where I'd sleep once I got there, but I just had to keep moving rather than stay still while watching my money run out.

When I got to New York I figured I'd try to go to radio stations and get my book out there. For days I practiced my breakfast club interview and devised a plan to go the station everyday until I got on the show. To my dismay once I got to New York, not only was there a blizzard, but Charlamagne Tha God was  on vacation. What's really a breakfast club interview without Charlamagne? For my first night in New York I stayed at my friend Kay's. Originally I had a sigh of relief since she said I could stay with her my entire trip, but then her room mate went back and said his daughter was coming so that left me with nowhere to sleep. Even though she wasn't able to continue to let me stay, she found me somewhere to go for the next night. I road the train and bus down to Harlem with her detailed directions to her friend's dance studio.

I waited outside in a blizzard with no winter clothes until I noticed a Bank of America a few doors down that had heat. Burning was an understatement to the pain I felt in my hands as they froze and began to burn. This was only my second time seeing snow with the first time being two weeks prior in Atlanta. My nike sneakers were soaked and my crop sweat suit along with my oversized jean jacket did not keep me warm. I was frustrated and cold in the middle of a place I'd never been in a blizzard. My friend's homeboy wasn't answering the phone and I couldn't help, but be sad that my first time in New York had been the opposite of what I'd imagined and hoped it to be.

After about 40 minutes my friend's homeboy finally answered and let me into the dance studio. I soon found that the couch she told me he was letting me sleep on ended up being a gym mat in one of the studio rooms in the basement. I froze for a few hours until the heater finally worked. Kay's friend got me a heavy jacket that I was able to use as a blanket. I layed my head on a material wrapped pillow and finally was able to get some rest grateful for a warm place to lay my head for the night.

The next morning me and Kay's friend discussed my plans for New York. He said he couls try and sneak me in the studio at nights, but it would be at 11 and 12. Seeing as though I didn't know anyone besides him and Kay in New York, I decided to just stay in the airport for my remaining 5 days since New York ended up being more of a hassle than I intended with the snow and failed plans. He also suggested an LGBTQ shelter, but I had too much integrity to lie like he adviced and use resources that I didn't qualify for since I wasn't LGBTQ. If there wasn't a blizzard, the thought of living so careless wouldn't have seemed so bad.

My play Aunt wired me $100 without me asking before I came which I was thankful for, but after my uber to the Atlanta airport, my tram ride to New York from Newark, food, and the highass NY week pass I brought my funds were running low.

Staying at the airport seemed like the most logical thing for me. So I got breakfast at the Burger King across the street and ubered to the airport because there was no way I was busing and training with my bags again in the weather. Once I got to the airport I was able to find cotts in the terminal and I sat for awhile until I decided to go upstairs. I slept in the handicapped area for a few hours and then found another cott in the terminal where I made myself comfortable. I listened to audiobooks and excitedly waited for my Miami trip.

During my time at the airport, I listened to a couple of Pam Grout books. A day before I left, my cousin deposited another check in my account from AT&T. I thought I had gotten my last check weeks before so it was definitely unnexpected and well needed because I had no money to my name. That check was right on time because I had differently put it out into the universe how I needed some money.

I didn't know what I'd do once I got to Miami, but I was running out of options. Maybe I would meet somebody wealthy who would want to invest in my businesses. My Miami trip was pretty uneventful. I stayed in an airbnb in the hood and then got upgraded on my last two nights to a nice room in Miami shores. I spent more time thinking about my next move more than anything while also taking in the beauty of Miami. I applied to a few jobs in MIA, but nothing end up panning out during my 5 day airbnb stay. I stayed at the Miami airport for a week with no money unsure what my next move would be.

The day before leaving, I finally got caught sleeping there by a police officer that told me I had to find somewhere else to go. The night before I had made up my mind to that wanted to give Atlanta one more final try. I didn't have money for a plane ticket, but it worked out to where my first ticket to Atlanta when I got cold feet end up being what was able to get me back from Miami. I didn't have money or anywhere to go once I got back, but I had a dream and I was determined to make something happen for myself.

When I got back to Atlanta I slepted at the airport for 2 days until they started kicking people out. Something had went down at the Atlanta airport while I was traveling so now they were being strict in the areas that people sleep. A friend of mine sent me money to eat while I was there and then my cousin also wired me $100 on the day I had to leave the airport so I could pay my phone bill while also leaving me extra to eat. The next night I slepted in an emergency hospital waiting room.

On my 4th day in Atlanta, I finally humbled myself enough to call shelters after my uber driver suggested some, but they were all full. I went to staples to print out resumes after sitting at chick fila for a few hours there. Getting into uber on the way to Staples, I couldn't help, but roll my eyes at God's humor as "On time God" blared from the radio. Just the night before I told God and the universe if I was meant to stay in Atlanta my cousin would hurry to send me some money and I would find a free place to stay.

Coincidentally one of the two had happened and the second thing was going to happen soon. While at Staples I met a woman named Jene who gave me job suggestions and called other homeless shelters on my behalf. She told me after she went to work she'd come back and try to find me a place to stay. A few peoole at the table were we sat in staples also gave me job referrals and suggestions. This times around I had even start applying to places I didn't want to work since I no longer even had money or a place to stay to be picky.

After applying to jobs and sitting in staples for a few hours, I walked a few doors down to a burger place. I did something I'd never done and asked them were they hiring. It seems like everytime I humble myself enough to apply to fast food restaraunts something better comes. Although the manager wasn't hiring, I was able to get some good food and the person at the counter even gave me a free drink. Things were looking up even though my legs and feet were swollen for sitting/sleeping at airports for so long. At least I wasn't starving and things seemed to be looking up.

A few hours later to my surprise Jene actually called me back. Previously a waitress from the airport ihop had gave me her number and said she'd help me get a job and somewhere to stay, but she never returned my so I honestly didn't expect Jene to call. While on the phone with her she told me she was heading to church and she'd help me get an airbnb once she got out.

I ubered back to the emergency room where I knew I'd probably end up sleeping again with an ounce of hope that something would work out in my favor. Jene ended up calling back after church, but by the time she did it was too late to book an airbnb. I appreciated her for keeping her word since most of the people I met so far in Georgia like the two store managers from Sprint and At&t hadn't or the waitress from Ihop. I told her I'd just stay at the hospital again and she promised to reach out the following day to make sure I found a safe place to stay.

I was prepared to sleep at the emergency room again and half way cursing myself out for stepping all the out on faith. Granted, I'd been homeless before, but never jobless too so it was hard to see the silver lining when I literally didn't know where my shelter or income would come from. Subconsciously, I tried to pray and manifest my organs to shut down while I slept. It was more of concetrated thought than anything. It had been awhile since I thought about dying forreal, but honestly I couldn't fathom trying to survive on the street.

Just when I was about to say F#@*K my dreams and humble myself enough to ask my cousin if I could come back to Boston, I received a facebook notification. There was a Georgia housing group that I posted in asking for a place to stay. A girl said she had a couch I sleep on for the night, but after I asked her the address she stopped responding. Once again I had gotten my hopes up only to be disappointed again. A few minutes later a lady named Angel said I could stay with her and I was overjoyed to say the least. When I got to her home not only did she have a place for me, but in her nice two story home I had a private guest bedroom to myself with a queen sized bed. I was excited to finally shower after a week and a half of public bathroom wash ups.

Stepping out on faith is difficult to do, but it's necessary with elevating to new levels.  When you humble yourself and release ego the world begins to shift in your favor. I don't what the year has in store for me, but in the first month alone I've been in 3 different states. Without a job, money has found it's way to me in unnexpected ways and I've managed to be safe while finding a place to stay for the next month. God has proven once again to be a miracle worker and using so many of his angels to cover me. If you don't do anything in life, at least follow your dreams because you never know where it will take you.