The Forming of The Commandments of Womanhood

The Forming of The Commandments of Womanhood:

Emiko’s thought behind the principles

Nearly 4+ years ago, after a conversation with my sister Dyme, I was prompted with this question: What are 10 things every woman should know as they transition into womanhood? Better yet—more than that, what are some of the things I wish me, my friends, my future daughters, and women in general were taught by our mothers as we transitioned into adult hood? The sole purpose of this entree is to give some thoughts behind the principles that created The Commandments of Womanhood.

Originally The Commandments of Womanhood wasn't even the original title for this book—let’s start there. The original title for my first book was "Magdalene, I AM WOMAN".

Why Magdalene, I am woman? 

Magdalene derives from the root word Magdala. Magdala is a village in Israel that means great or high tower.

Magdalene means woman from the great or high tower and I believe all women are gifts to world that heal as well as birth the nation.

Women are such gifts from God and sometimes I feel like we often overlook our greatness while as we allow ourselves to be contaminated by societies standards. I originally came up with the name because Mary Magdalene was a lost flawed woman in the bible, but somehow she found herself and even became one of Jesus best friends. In some lost books of the bible, it even goes as far as detailing that Mary Magdalene (an ex prostitute) was actually Jesus’ wife. I thought her story was powerful and a true testament that no matter where you began, you have the ability to change and begin again.

Somehow, as I developed the core principles that I felt like every woman should know The Commandments of Womanhood sort of just found the book. In other words, The book suddenly chose its own name.

                     Now on to how I developed the 10 core principles...

I penned that earlier question that prompted this idea to my followers on Instagram to gage more insight. Some people were just spewing out random suggestions male followers included, which I definitely appreciated. Even with the answers that were given, I still just didn't feel like the responses adequately represented any of the conversations that I’d have with women or even experienced personally. I wanted to create something that was a representation of the essence of knowing yourself in the highest form as a woman so I began to dig deep while taking the journey myself.

The first chapter Love Thyself was what I felt like women needed. Within my own self-discovery, I realized that at the core, we're rarely shown how to properly love ourselves because sometimes our mothers don't even know how to love themselves. How do you even begin the journey to self love? As I posed that question, I began recalling my own journey which is an ongoing one that I'm constantly working at and the same can go for others. We all have our days when we feel popping and days when we just don't feel it at all. I wanted opening chapter to be a light weight introduction into the journey because all the principles essentially come back to number one which is Self-Love and sometimes we need that reminder to remind us who the fuck we are.

With chapter two Protect Thy Energy, I began to trace the lack of self love to things and people that we allow to contaminate us of over time. When you are first born into this world, I believe we all have a sense of purpose and knowledge of self. The longer we're here, however, our self-esteem can get diminished or tainted by outsiders until your back on that journey trying to find a way back to authenticity. I believe it's essential that we guard our space from things that are unhealthy to our wellbeing as we make the decision to ascend.

Rule Thy Own Happiness was created because we as people need to realize that at the end of the day we are the only ones who control our happiness. Often times when tend to allow others too much power over us instead of realizing that true happiness comes from within. I loved the Instastory that Will Smith posted a while ago with him and Jada discussing happiness. He pretty much summed up what I was trying to convey in this chapter simply as he tied in how him and Jada developed that the mutual understand that both of them are responsible for their own happiness.

Your body is a Temple: Act like it is a major key because this principle is tied to health in all aspects(Emotional, Sexual, and Physical). You only have one vehicle while on this journey so why not take care of it to the best of your ability? This chapter is not dedicated to slut shaming because believe me everybody has a past, but I more so created it to teach women their worth. Lack of self-love reflects in how you honor and take of your body. When it comes to sex, whether you have a mild case of remorseful kitty that you wish you could take back from somebody or you find yourself, falling into the beds of the wrong men I believe there are some great keys in this chapter for every woman regardless of experience. My mom always talked about how she waited and how sex the first time hurt, but never did we have a deep sex talk. The more I talk to people, I notice that many other Christian households do this as well. I have friends of multiple religions and spiritual belief so I wanted to create something that was informative across the board. This is a mildly lengthy chapter, but a lot of gems had to be given to make sure I was thorough in asking all the questions that me and the women I’ve encountered in our journey of self-discovery. People preach about abstinence, but rarely they go deeper into the sex conversations. Get to the bottom of why you fucking to begin with! During my journey I realized the importance of qualifying your partner deeper than clean test statuses, looks, or "vibes". More than anything we need to qualify both the hearts and mind of our partners in addition to their respect level for us and themselves. Books like The Wait although they are a nice read, didn't really resonate with me seeing as I'd never really enjoyed sex and I was never super active. Before even reading The Wait I felt like something was missing from the millennial sex conversations with women so I decided to define the meaning further since nobody hadn’t for me.

In regards to seek no validation chapter, frankly I was tired of seeing way too many women looking to be validated by the opinions of others. Validation is for parking—period. Every woman should know that their worth is far more precious than the finest material possessions. The only thing that should truly matter above all is what someone thinks of themselves because that's the only person that has to look them back in the mirror every day.

The chapter about not settling for inconsistently stemmed from just learning how to set standards and boundaries. Knowing boundaries and releasing expectations of what is beyond your control is crucial. Letting someone waste your time repeatedly is self-sabotage because a person who does not respect your time is a person who in all essence does not respect your life. Time is the only thing that is not promised so tolerating an inconsistent person should never be an option.

The chapter on letting your hurt go might just be a personal fave because it's a chapter about overcoming pain and releasing trauma. Your trauma does not define you. Throughout my life I've experienced quite a lot of pain and I wanted to use this chapter to let women know that despite what life throws their way they can still win. I see so many people that tend to wallow in past misery and it's so unhealthy totting that type of baggage around for years. I've experienced first-hand how much it stunts your growth so I wanted this chapter to encourage women to unpack those bags and stop being what Erykah Badu calls a bag lady.

Chapter 8 is definitely another favorite of mine because—come on who doesn’t like money? I believe women need to know how to manage money and build credit. I appreciate my mother taking me to the bank at a young age and teaching me about finances early. Those littles gems throughout my childhood and up until the age 15 really taught me so much. Even though I still managed to have my share of money mishaps, those mistakes ultimately allowed me to pass on meaningful knowledge to others.

Chapter 9 is truly a gem because once you fully love yourself while mastering principles 1-8, you realize that in order to be happy with anybody, you must first be your own soul mate and happy with yourself. To be honest, I feel only after chapters/steps 1-9 are we truly able to be open up to the love that you deserve since this experience is comprised of our own reflections.

Lastly, chapter ten is reflective of tying in all the principles together and reminding us to never forget how amazing we are as women. So inclusion, that's the break down on how The Commandments of Womanhood came to be and the thoughts behind each principle. I hope this detailed background gave you some insight and possibly makes you even curious to check it out. Be well my friends! Until we chat again.