The Wonderer
How long are you here for? From 3 to 5 days and now I don't know. Initially when I was at the Atlanta airport on New Years Eve the answer was 3 days. I had no real plans for what I was going to do, but I figured I'd sleep at the airport to get ready for my flight since I had nowhere else to go. Out of all my airplane stays, I believe Hartsfield- Jackson Atlanta International Airport might've been by far the most peculiar of them all. I walked around the airport in hopes that I'd find a more comfortable spot to sit since the hard steel seats by the check in area were uncomfortable. At last, my eyes finally came across an area filled with big cushioned black chairs. I found a quiet spot and relaxed to myself, slowly counting down the moments until I could stream new year's eve service. My thoughts began to reminisce to my eventful new year's eve from last year.
Like this year, I was waiting to stream new year's eve church service the only difference was instead of waiting at a cold airport I was nestled in a warm bed at my brand new apartment. While setting the mood in my new home, I listened in an almost euphoric state as gospel melodies pour out of my Harman Kardon speaker. There was such a feeling of pure thankfulness overflowing from me thinking about my previous 8 months couch surfing and living in crappy hotels. My euphoric state, however, was short lived as my phone rang. One of my best friend's (a close relative) called me telling me she was coming over and had to tell me something important. I said a silent prayer as I prepared for her arrival bracing myself for the news as knots began to form in my tummy. It seemed like even in my earliest memories of life, she was always there. We had always been so close to the point that I could instantly sense when something was wrong with her with just one look at her and in this case just the sound of her voice.
At last, she finally arrived with one of her close friends in toe. We all sat on the floor of my unfurnished living room. My best friend looked at me and began telling me of the betrayal of her significant other. She continued on with her story and then informed me that she was also pregnant. I looked at her calmly asking what she wanted to do, but as soon as the question left my mouth knowing her too well I knew there was only one option. I began to tell her she was going to have the baby and we were going to help her with everything. The more positive affirmations I told her, it was as if she breathed a sigh of relief at the realization that she was about to become a mother. As if the realization overwhelmed her, tears began to make salt water streams down her face as the same began down my own and I embraced her.
It's crazy how much could change in a year. I nestled my sweater closer to me sitting in the cushioned chair in the airport reflecting over the crazy year I'd had. The same apartment I was so thankful for was no longer mine and I was across the country on a quest of yearning. A packed duffle bag of photo albums and old video tapes were all I had. In June of 2017, I left California with merely the clothes on my back releasing every bad experience that I had encountered in California. The pain of everything I had encountered until then finally broke me. I made a conscious effort to put myself first at all cost and leave a place that had been where I'd experience many of my worst memories. My happiness depended on it. I was so hurt and drained when I left with a broken heart full of resentment.
Nearly 8months after leaving, many one way tickets, and encounters with strangers later I had a renewed sense of purpose. Sometimes you have to be willing to shed the old in order to be able to experience the new. During my travels, I encountered strangers who I found to be more welcoming than people I've known my entire life. It's strange how different things could be in just a year. Close friends that you've known for just about your entire life become strangers that you can't even converse with on the phone any longer than 5 minutes. Not because you no longer love them, but because the person you are becoming can no longer relate or resonate with the people that you used to feel so connected to in the past. The mid/late 20s are quite interesting as you begin to lose relationships with people who you assumed would be around for a lifetime.
Unlike the year before, New Year's day was spent in an airport heading to New York for the first time. On Christmas, I brought two oneway tickets to New York and Miami determined to take my life into my own hands. I had this plan that I'd go to New York and wait outside the iHeart building everyday for the week I was there until I ran into someone from the Breakfast Club am. The only thing is I didn't check the weather and was greeted by a blizzard in California clothing unprepared from harsh weather. I slept on a futon at a friend's apartment in Harlem the first night and then in a basement of a dance studio in Queens on a gymnastics mat the next. My plans were more than ruined and I eventually spent the remainder of my trip in JFK for about 5 days.
My days at the airport were filled with audiobooks that inspired my dreams and motivated me on a journey of many flights to uncertainty. My next destination was Miami. The first two days were spent in a hostel type house. I roomed with a white guy who was a writer and traveled the world. After two days, I ended up having a crappy encounter with the owner of the house that resulted in me leaving that Airbnb. God's grace must've been on my side because I was given a gift code and upgraded Airbnb to a large house in Miami Shores. The large mansions I was surrounded by allowed me to envision the type of home I'd love to live in one day.
I honesty don't know what I was searching for during all my travels. A new opportunity? A fresh start? How about all of the above? The funny thing is the more I searched for a new beginning and place to belong, I realized that I was already born where I needed to be. Los Angeles was a Mecca of opportunity and going to other places gave me a new perspective about a place that I've often resented. After Miami and not being able to find a job out there, I found my way back to Atlanta to give it one more shot. I'd ran out of money by that time and it had been going on two months since I'd worked. God's grace still covered me and strangers opened their homes to me without seeking anything in return. Sometimes I'd be on my last and a book would sell then get deposited in my account. Eventually, I realized that Los Angeles was where I needed to be and was able to find my way back with the help of my older cousin Jason that lives in Boston who wired me money to get a ticket home.
The first three months back were a struggle, but my time in Atlanta prepared me for the many days to come. The first night back I slept at LAX. I woke up early the next morning and applied for government assistance to be able to have money for food as well as to get around. After that, I eventually went to the Long Beach airport and stayed there for a week until an office worker sold me out to the airport police. I was embarrassed to say the least, but the cop ended up being nice and gave me some money as well as a ride to the multi service center in Long Beach. I was able to get a motel voucher for a few days until a bed opened for me at a woman's shelter in Wilmington for two weeks. I was so scared. I didn't know what to think and to be honest it was unlike what I'd expected. They took all my things and washed them. I had to wear their donated clothes the first night while they washed my bags/belongings. There was a 6pm curfew and mandatory chapel attendance. I never ate the dinner they provided after chapel. It never looked edible although they claimed the cook was a retired chef. Despite that, you could see so many grateful people there to get hot meals every night. They timed our showers and we could only take showers at night. Before bed they collected our phones and returned them in the morning after devotion.
As uncomfortable as it was there, it gave me perspective and allowed me to unplug while focusing on God. Instead of asking why this was happening, I tried to see what this was teaching me. I realized how much this was the type of work I wanted to do and staying in two shelters taught me what not to do when I created my own. In a way it kind've felt like being on undercover boss. Sometimes you have to go through certain hardships to be able to create better ways to make change. I lasted 13 of my 14 night stay at the first shelter until I couldn't bring myself to go back. The day before I left, I donated cases of waters and snacks for the ladies there. After that, I was able to get another motel voucher until a bed at a longer shelter opened up. Eventually the strictness and curfew got to much for me when I wanted to attend service at church one evening. I retrieved my belongings and began living at the LAX in the international wing.
I'd take wash ups in the private family bathrooms and sleep on the hard couches in the sandwich shop. I met a nice woman there who was also houseless, but on her way back out of the country. We looked out for each other and watched each others things when we went to the bathroom. We motivated and uplifted each other when our spirits were low. We shared a piece of warm bread with each other when all I had left was a dollar. There's a lot of shame and stigma with homelessness in America. People turn up their nose and think "get a job" if they know. Funny thing is sometimes we have a job, can't seem to catch a break. Rental assistant programs are sometimes difficult because on one hand here is a program wanting to pay your rent, but on the other if you have income you still have to meet the two to three times amount requirement which defeats the purpose of the low income housing assistance program. Sometimes it feels like things are set up to make you want to give up when you have no safety net or support team.
Homelessness doesn't discriminate based on sex, age, face, or even education. I've met people with Masters degrees and others who were previous home owners who just happened to fall on hard times. A death in a family, a lay off, or illness has stripped so many people from having a safe place to go. I've met recovering drug addicts and some people who battle mental illness. So many facilities closed with mentally disabled people left out in the cold to roam the streets. No story is the same. Regardless of the reason behind it, we all are left with the same choice. Will you let this moment define you and give into self loathing or will you let this be the fuel to inspire you to keep going? In that moment every person has the same cards for a full deck. It's twenty one so will you let life hit you or play it safe by giving up. I stayed at the airport for the last time nearly two months until I got a new place. There were times when I felt so discouraged, but I had to keep moving forward. Ever day I was faced with no sign of good news and it began to eat at me, but ultimately God stepped in and provided me with what I needed.
I can never repay all the angels that I was able to encounter, but I will be eternally grateful for every stranger that God allowed to bless me. God showed me the good in people when I nearly lost faith in seeing the good in others. This experience has allowed me to never underestimate the type of blessings that I have the ability to receive. I began this journey as a wonderer and was able to find a home within.
Like this year, I was waiting to stream new year's eve church service the only difference was instead of waiting at a cold airport I was nestled in a warm bed at my brand new apartment. While setting the mood in my new home, I listened in an almost euphoric state as gospel melodies pour out of my Harman Kardon speaker. There was such a feeling of pure thankfulness overflowing from me thinking about my previous 8 months couch surfing and living in crappy hotels. My euphoric state, however, was short lived as my phone rang. One of my best friend's (a close relative) called me telling me she was coming over and had to tell me something important. I said a silent prayer as I prepared for her arrival bracing myself for the news as knots began to form in my tummy. It seemed like even in my earliest memories of life, she was always there. We had always been so close to the point that I could instantly sense when something was wrong with her with just one look at her and in this case just the sound of her voice.
At last, she finally arrived with one of her close friends in toe. We all sat on the floor of my unfurnished living room. My best friend looked at me and began telling me of the betrayal of her significant other. She continued on with her story and then informed me that she was also pregnant. I looked at her calmly asking what she wanted to do, but as soon as the question left my mouth knowing her too well I knew there was only one option. I began to tell her she was going to have the baby and we were going to help her with everything. The more positive affirmations I told her, it was as if she breathed a sigh of relief at the realization that she was about to become a mother. As if the realization overwhelmed her, tears began to make salt water streams down her face as the same began down my own and I embraced her.
It's crazy how much could change in a year. I nestled my sweater closer to me sitting in the cushioned chair in the airport reflecting over the crazy year I'd had. The same apartment I was so thankful for was no longer mine and I was across the country on a quest of yearning. A packed duffle bag of photo albums and old video tapes were all I had. In June of 2017, I left California with merely the clothes on my back releasing every bad experience that I had encountered in California. The pain of everything I had encountered until then finally broke me. I made a conscious effort to put myself first at all cost and leave a place that had been where I'd experience many of my worst memories. My happiness depended on it. I was so hurt and drained when I left with a broken heart full of resentment.
Nearly 8months after leaving, many one way tickets, and encounters with strangers later I had a renewed sense of purpose. Sometimes you have to be willing to shed the old in order to be able to experience the new. During my travels, I encountered strangers who I found to be more welcoming than people I've known my entire life. It's strange how different things could be in just a year. Close friends that you've known for just about your entire life become strangers that you can't even converse with on the phone any longer than 5 minutes. Not because you no longer love them, but because the person you are becoming can no longer relate or resonate with the people that you used to feel so connected to in the past. The mid/late 20s are quite interesting as you begin to lose relationships with people who you assumed would be around for a lifetime.
Unlike the year before, New Year's day was spent in an airport heading to New York for the first time. On Christmas, I brought two oneway tickets to New York and Miami determined to take my life into my own hands. I had this plan that I'd go to New York and wait outside the iHeart building everyday for the week I was there until I ran into someone from the Breakfast Club am. The only thing is I didn't check the weather and was greeted by a blizzard in California clothing unprepared from harsh weather. I slept on a futon at a friend's apartment in Harlem the first night and then in a basement of a dance studio in Queens on a gymnastics mat the next. My plans were more than ruined and I eventually spent the remainder of my trip in JFK for about 5 days.
My days at the airport were filled with audiobooks that inspired my dreams and motivated me on a journey of many flights to uncertainty. My next destination was Miami. The first two days were spent in a hostel type house. I roomed with a white guy who was a writer and traveled the world. After two days, I ended up having a crappy encounter with the owner of the house that resulted in me leaving that Airbnb. God's grace must've been on my side because I was given a gift code and upgraded Airbnb to a large house in Miami Shores. The large mansions I was surrounded by allowed me to envision the type of home I'd love to live in one day.
I honesty don't know what I was searching for during all my travels. A new opportunity? A fresh start? How about all of the above? The funny thing is the more I searched for a new beginning and place to belong, I realized that I was already born where I needed to be. Los Angeles was a Mecca of opportunity and going to other places gave me a new perspective about a place that I've often resented. After Miami and not being able to find a job out there, I found my way back to Atlanta to give it one more shot. I'd ran out of money by that time and it had been going on two months since I'd worked. God's grace still covered me and strangers opened their homes to me without seeking anything in return. Sometimes I'd be on my last and a book would sell then get deposited in my account. Eventually, I realized that Los Angeles was where I needed to be and was able to find my way back with the help of my older cousin Jason that lives in Boston who wired me money to get a ticket home.
The first three months back were a struggle, but my time in Atlanta prepared me for the many days to come. The first night back I slept at LAX. I woke up early the next morning and applied for government assistance to be able to have money for food as well as to get around. After that, I eventually went to the Long Beach airport and stayed there for a week until an office worker sold me out to the airport police. I was embarrassed to say the least, but the cop ended up being nice and gave me some money as well as a ride to the multi service center in Long Beach. I was able to get a motel voucher for a few days until a bed opened for me at a woman's shelter in Wilmington for two weeks. I was so scared. I didn't know what to think and to be honest it was unlike what I'd expected. They took all my things and washed them. I had to wear their donated clothes the first night while they washed my bags/belongings. There was a 6pm curfew and mandatory chapel attendance. I never ate the dinner they provided after chapel. It never looked edible although they claimed the cook was a retired chef. Despite that, you could see so many grateful people there to get hot meals every night. They timed our showers and we could only take showers at night. Before bed they collected our phones and returned them in the morning after devotion.
As uncomfortable as it was there, it gave me perspective and allowed me to unplug while focusing on God. Instead of asking why this was happening, I tried to see what this was teaching me. I realized how much this was the type of work I wanted to do and staying in two shelters taught me what not to do when I created my own. In a way it kind've felt like being on undercover boss. Sometimes you have to go through certain hardships to be able to create better ways to make change. I lasted 13 of my 14 night stay at the first shelter until I couldn't bring myself to go back. The day before I left, I donated cases of waters and snacks for the ladies there. After that, I was able to get another motel voucher until a bed at a longer shelter opened up. Eventually the strictness and curfew got to much for me when I wanted to attend service at church one evening. I retrieved my belongings and began living at the LAX in the international wing.
I'd take wash ups in the private family bathrooms and sleep on the hard couches in the sandwich shop. I met a nice woman there who was also houseless, but on her way back out of the country. We looked out for each other and watched each others things when we went to the bathroom. We motivated and uplifted each other when our spirits were low. We shared a piece of warm bread with each other when all I had left was a dollar. There's a lot of shame and stigma with homelessness in America. People turn up their nose and think "get a job" if they know. Funny thing is sometimes we have a job, can't seem to catch a break. Rental assistant programs are sometimes difficult because on one hand here is a program wanting to pay your rent, but on the other if you have income you still have to meet the two to three times amount requirement which defeats the purpose of the low income housing assistance program. Sometimes it feels like things are set up to make you want to give up when you have no safety net or support team.
Homelessness doesn't discriminate based on sex, age, face, or even education. I've met people with Masters degrees and others who were previous home owners who just happened to fall on hard times. A death in a family, a lay off, or illness has stripped so many people from having a safe place to go. I've met recovering drug addicts and some people who battle mental illness. So many facilities closed with mentally disabled people left out in the cold to roam the streets. No story is the same. Regardless of the reason behind it, we all are left with the same choice. Will you let this moment define you and give into self loathing or will you let this be the fuel to inspire you to keep going? In that moment every person has the same cards for a full deck. It's twenty one so will you let life hit you or play it safe by giving up. I stayed at the airport for the last time nearly two months until I got a new place. There were times when I felt so discouraged, but I had to keep moving forward. Ever day I was faced with no sign of good news and it began to eat at me, but ultimately God stepped in and provided me with what I needed.
I can never repay all the angels that I was able to encounter, but I will be eternally grateful for every stranger that God allowed to bless me. God showed me the good in people when I nearly lost faith in seeing the good in others. This experience has allowed me to never underestimate the type of blessings that I have the ability to receive. I began this journey as a wonderer and was able to find a home within.
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