Messages in a bottle from Uncertainty
Last year I made up my mind that I didn't want to live with another person unless they were my husband. They say if you want to make God laugh then tell him your plans. Within the last year, I've probably lived with more people than I'd like to even acknowledge or think about. Alcoholics, mentally ill, psychotic- you name it. Shelters, airports, hospital waiting rooms, and now... the room mate from HELL. When I think of conflicts that arise, I wonder what God is trying to teach me about myself in these moments. Chaos is all around and I constantly long for the days of absolute harmony. Maybe this uncomfortableness that I've encountered the last two years are stretching me in some capacity to new heights that I've never known.
I'm typically slow to anger, but lately I've came across people who have literally boiled my blood to the point of punching a wall and popping a blood vessel in my hand. I'm trying to learn how to navigate through so much conflict in a period in my life when I seemingly have no friends or family around to be my voice of reason. I've felt alone within friendships my entire life, but these last few years I've had to physically be alone. Sure Jesus is always here, but you know what I mean.
Maybe conflict is good and anger is natural. Emotions and obstacles that I've attempted avoiding for so long are necessary in this season. There's no running or avoiding. Head on I dive and allow myself to feel. It's freeing, but maddening. It's stressful, but needed in order to learn how to deal with unreasonable personalities that I may encounter in the future. It's forcing me to stay in uncomfortable circumstances and not flee because it's easy. My blessings are mine and I'll be damned if I run from them because of conflict or tension.
Some blessings come with a great cost. At times the enemy will even try to rob you of the blessings that you have earned by creating conflict. The next level requires some level of sacrifice. Everything will not be all peaches and cream, but you must hold on to enough hope to see what is around the corner after the storm. Sometimes certain obstacles come your way to build the muscles you've neglected within yourself. Self control, problem solving, and so many other emotions and circumstances that fall in between.
I realize that I am meant to help many people so I guess this moment is meant to introduce me to the difficult personalities that I can't stand and teach me how to navigate amongst them. I'm learning many things about myself, but also unlearning things that have hindered me in the past. I'm allowed to feel and in the past I've robbed myself of natural emotions for the sake of trying to remain composed. I'll send you all a postcard from understanding once I arrive, but for now accept my messages in a bottle from uncertainty. Let's learn together and heal together. I hope that in the upcoming posts I can start to unravel the many layers of my complication.
I'm typically slow to anger, but lately I've came across people who have literally boiled my blood to the point of punching a wall and popping a blood vessel in my hand. I'm trying to learn how to navigate through so much conflict in a period in my life when I seemingly have no friends or family around to be my voice of reason. I've felt alone within friendships my entire life, but these last few years I've had to physically be alone. Sure Jesus is always here, but you know what I mean.
Maybe conflict is good and anger is natural. Emotions and obstacles that I've attempted avoiding for so long are necessary in this season. There's no running or avoiding. Head on I dive and allow myself to feel. It's freeing, but maddening. It's stressful, but needed in order to learn how to deal with unreasonable personalities that I may encounter in the future. It's forcing me to stay in uncomfortable circumstances and not flee because it's easy. My blessings are mine and I'll be damned if I run from them because of conflict or tension.
Some blessings come with a great cost. At times the enemy will even try to rob you of the blessings that you have earned by creating conflict. The next level requires some level of sacrifice. Everything will not be all peaches and cream, but you must hold on to enough hope to see what is around the corner after the storm. Sometimes certain obstacles come your way to build the muscles you've neglected within yourself. Self control, problem solving, and so many other emotions and circumstances that fall in between.
I realize that I am meant to help many people so I guess this moment is meant to introduce me to the difficult personalities that I can't stand and teach me how to navigate amongst them. I'm learning many things about myself, but also unlearning things that have hindered me in the past. I'm allowed to feel and in the past I've robbed myself of natural emotions for the sake of trying to remain composed. I'll send you all a postcard from understanding once I arrive, but for now accept my messages in a bottle from uncertainty. Let's learn together and heal together. I hope that in the upcoming posts I can start to unravel the many layers of my complication.
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