A Crash Course in Boundaries
Learning how to set proper boundaries is a major lesson that I've been tackling for the last two years. Through soul searching, writing my book, and evolving as a woman I've come to realize that I have a major personal development issue with boundaries. As I began working through issues I was able to identify my habit of not knowing how to properly identify and set boundaries when it came to my relationships with people. My self care work during my journey through healing from past trauma and experiences revealed to me the ways in which I often allow people to cross boundaries with me.
The difficult part with self care work is being able to identify the roles that I personally play within conflict. Instead of asking myself why things were happening to me, I began making to conscious habit of not victimizing myself and actually taking responsibility for the role I play. With doing this, I switched they "why" into "what and how". What is is God trying to teach me in this moment? How do I move forward and do things differently?
Sometimes we make the mistake of saying why does this keep happening not realizing that in life, you will continually go through the same thing repeatedly with different people or situations until you take a stand and say "No I'm going to do things differently because I want a different result". Life is 10% percent of what happens to you and 90% of how you choose to react. The experiences that comprise the sum total of our life is neither good or bad, but perspective based. Who you are is merely how you allow your experiences to shape you.
I've realize that going up I was never properly shown boundaries. What I observed as a child were people constantly over stepping boundaries and tolerance within that. As an adult, I've spent years unlearning the things I've observed as a child. Feelings of resentment or being used stem from the experience of overstepped boundaries. After establishing boundaries, you must create consequences for those boundaries. For example: If someone repeatedly disrespects you and calls you out of your name after you've told them that crossed a boundary with you, then you have the right to no longer deal with that person if they choose not to respect your wishes.
The crossing of boundaries is something that we have to make the effort to unlearn in order to break the cycle of a toxic pattern in behavior. Do you find yourself feeling resentment? Perhaps you have allowed others to repeatedly cross boundaries with you. Establish ground rules for how you would like others to treat you and more than that establish the type of respect that you begin requiring from yourself. We all reflections so began to exude the type of respect to yourself and others that you require in return.
The difficult part with self care work is being able to identify the roles that I personally play within conflict. Instead of asking myself why things were happening to me, I began making to conscious habit of not victimizing myself and actually taking responsibility for the role I play. With doing this, I switched they "why" into "what and how". What is is God trying to teach me in this moment? How do I move forward and do things differently?
Sometimes we make the mistake of saying why does this keep happening not realizing that in life, you will continually go through the same thing repeatedly with different people or situations until you take a stand and say "No I'm going to do things differently because I want a different result". Life is 10% percent of what happens to you and 90% of how you choose to react. The experiences that comprise the sum total of our life is neither good or bad, but perspective based. Who you are is merely how you allow your experiences to shape you.
I've realize that going up I was never properly shown boundaries. What I observed as a child were people constantly over stepping boundaries and tolerance within that. As an adult, I've spent years unlearning the things I've observed as a child. Feelings of resentment or being used stem from the experience of overstepped boundaries. After establishing boundaries, you must create consequences for those boundaries. For example: If someone repeatedly disrespects you and calls you out of your name after you've told them that crossed a boundary with you, then you have the right to no longer deal with that person if they choose not to respect your wishes.
The crossing of boundaries is something that we have to make the effort to unlearn in order to break the cycle of a toxic pattern in behavior. Do you find yourself feeling resentment? Perhaps you have allowed others to repeatedly cross boundaries with you. Establish ground rules for how you would like others to treat you and more than that establish the type of respect that you begin requiring from yourself. We all reflections so began to exude the type of respect to yourself and others that you require in return.
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