Broken or Open?

Was I broken or open? I felt the doors closing as my heart got open. A tug of war between a heart of sores. Cold shoulders far heavier than boulders.

Legs entangled as my heart felt strangled. The awkward stillness in the night as you asked if you could hold me tight. I was suffocated by affection from a person I never wanted when I wanted to be wanted as my trauma had me haunted.

Our insecurities slow danced in a bitter sweet romance as fogged mirrors blurred our vision so we couldn't see what we were missing. Our demons found each other as our souls interlocked and got lost in a dark twisted fantasy that we fell into clumsily. What do you want from me?

We had hidden expectations without our whole hearts in the equation. A blazing desire, but it blew out my fire as my heart grew tired of playing with something I knew I'd never acquire.

I lost my sense of reality as our lips slow danced with my mind mid trance. Was I too open or was I too broken because I couldn't see your internal scars that you transferred on to me? Your demons got a hold of me as your insecurities tried to take control of me. Your contamination created mold in me.

Maybe I was too broken because I constantly put my pride to the side for a romance I knew would not survive. Compromising my soul in attempts to make you whole when pouring out of me just left me empty. I used to lay and let you have your way exploring my body with your undeserving hands until I finally took a stand. I could no longer stay broken and open with you. The days of compromising my morals were through.

You had no idea of the gem you held as I bid you farewell. I'd no longer dwell in the times I thought that I fell. The truth is I could never fall for you. Lost souls can't find wholeness in insecurities and brokenness. I refused to be too broken and too open with you because my heart was the only thing that could subconsciously lose.