Magic Interrupted

I'm just a black girl trying to love myself in a world hell bent on trying to tear me down.

I've always had dreams of falling in love with a black man, but lately I don't know if this generation seems to be my biggest fan. Maybe I'm not exotic enough for them because sometimes it seems like my blackness is not on trend. Some wakanda forever until they find them a Heather and I don't want me a Jake although that might be my fate. I'm not knocking interracial love, but I've always craved the brown sugar romance that enticed me growing up.

I had a thing for photography and writing like Nina Mosley. Love Jones fantasies of him reenacting a blues for Nina, but a Blues for Nina turns into a Tune for Keysha. A melodic romance that I ain't seen since 2000. Way before I wore a flower girl dress to burry my first black superman and bestfriend.

Went off to college with hopes of running into my "well educated college brotha". At least I thought I did, until I realized our initials make up JK so I guess God kids. My future husband hides in beneath those random spaces in time that I have yet to find. Within crevices he remains, 3 years celibate I await. Nothing excites me more than the thoughts of an educated black man holding me.

God's taking his time rebranding and remolding me while patching all the holes in me or at least the holes within my heart. Been patching up back stab wounds dressing them like brand new.

In a world full of fake asses, my man better love my square round one. Beneath my honey buns of jelly rolls the sweet tooth shall self indulge.

Just a black girl trying to love myself in a world that sometimes doesn't love me.

Traveled quite a bit this year and you won't believe the kind of love I found. It was homegrown beneath the soil, squeeze out the grit to produce the oil. I had to nurture my heart before it spoiled. Had to spoil myself with selflove because selflove is the best love so who better to love myself than me?

Just a black girl trying to love myself in a fantasy world full of fallacies.

Had to release all the insecurities that I allowed from society to create mold in me. Traveled to Miami, but I didn't see the doctor. Seeing so many manufactured coke bottle shapes make me contemplate if I even want to lose weight. Selflove has made me content at any size even when my thighs rise and the jiggle multiplies, my reflection still leaves me satisfied.

I've been so far removed from the shell which I live. It's been long since it was just a place where I hid so I've been tending to the beautiful soul that happens to live within.

I'm a black girl trying to love myself in a world that sometimes seems more against me than with me.

They make it so damn hard, but I refused to be tainted even though there were years when I hated my first name because of all the images painted. I now believe Keysha is well suited for me since I'm the only one who holds the keys to my destiny.

I'm just a black girl trying to love myself because I believe that it's so damn important and so am I so I refuse to let my Black Girl Magic continue to be interrupted.