More to Life: A DREAM, but no dolla

You have this plan for how you think your life is going to turn out, but then you live and realize that everything is nowhere near how you thought it would be. In an ideal world you would've graduated college and probably went to grad school. Maybe you would've gotten that dream job as a magazine editor, fell in love, and started a family. The dream didn't foresee becoming a college drop out and working jobs that you quit every year. It seems like the longer I work a job, the more I become resentful because reality sets in that I'm still not where I want to be. I'll never be able to accept an ordinary life. Subconsciously, I've always felt as if I was racing against a time clock and my time was running out. Feels like the tale of the 24th year nothing. 24 is an odd age. You're not quite in your early 20s anymore and you feel like by this time you should've had it somehow figured out by now.

This however, was the year that I didn't want to adult anymore. After losing my mother, I began mothering myself and being the "responsible one". The truth is I'm tired of being practical snd boxing myself in. Every year on my birthday I say maybe next year I'll celebrate or I'll party when I'm this age, but that day never comes. You'll never be content if you keep looking too much into the future. I finally done the thing that I've wanted to do since I was 15. I moved away to a new state where I know nobody and it feels great. There were baby steps to get to this moment. Two times I've brought one way tickets to Atlanta only to reroute or buy a new ticket to somewhere else. Somewhere fear always got the best of me and even the smallest steps that looked like risks had a safety net to them.
A week ago I turned 25 and it was if I had been dreading the day.