Releasing Expectations
Today I watched Nappily Ever After starring Sanaa Lathan and it reminded me of a blog post I wrote nearly two years ago called Coconut Oil. In that post, I discussed the journey of loving your hair as a black woman and some of my trials accepting my hair over the years. Society has placed so much pressure on the standard of beauty and what it means so much so that at times it can play on a woman's self esteem. Years ago our curves weren't nearly as accepted as they are now, but even with the "acceptance" of more bodies now I can't help but notice how much they all look alike. Similar structures with different packaging. The coke bottles have gotten more pronounced with the perfectly sculpted hips and bottom that women are killing themselves to achieve it black market injections.
When does it stop? When does our natural state become the new trend? No I'm not talking about the lash extension no make up make up looks, I'm talking about the real us. Corky and authentic as flawed as we want to be, but perfectly imperfect. There's nothing wrong with beauty enhancements, but can we make the skin we're in the NEW STANDARD of beauty. It's hard being a woman and even harder being a black woman. There's so much demand on being "Exotic", that so many women drive themselves crazy trying to appeal to what is acceptable.
As the credits of Nappily Ever ended, I wondered what happened to the fiance. Does it work out with the fiance or does she live happily ever after with the new guy? I laughed to myself recognizing how amazing the ending was because I realized she found love within herself. Ever since I could remember from a young age, I dreamily watched love stories about the girl who's met with conflict then meets the guy who changes her life. Those images have played in my mind constantly throughout the years and ultimately set an unrealistic expectation of a happy life. Fairytales and romance movies, tv shows, and books somehow have tried to convince us that life doesn't truly begin for a woman until she is chosen or found worthy by another person. Think of all the fairytales you've seen from Cinderella to The Little Memaid. Think about it, same plot different characters.
There are so many women in their twenties, thirties, forties, and even fifties wondering what they are doing wrong because Mr.Right or Prince charming hasn't found them yet and their life doesn't seem to ever begin in the way that they've always believed it would. The truth is your life begins the moment you start loving yourself and following suit into your purpose. We must reprogram our minds to realize that the fairytales we grew up watching do not set the standard of what our happily ever after can mean. I'm here to tell you that you are your own super hero. You wear a cape everyday you wake up and walk outside with your head held high as you're constantly bombarded with images of the "perfect woman" on instagram. Perfection doesn't exist and the happily ever after has as many loops and detours as a roller coaster.
Maybe you get pregnant early and end up a single mother, but you work your butt off, build your own business, and travel the world with your baby. Maybe you're older and divorced, it doesn't matter. You can choose to live your most fulfilling life at any stage in your life and journey.Your worth is not determined by a man or significant other finding worth in you. Happiness is not just waiting for that perfect guy or person to begin a life with. So what if you're 32 and have never had a serious relationship. Figure out what you love to do and go after whatever it is.
Maybe you get the guy or maybe you don't, but whatever you do live your best life. Don't let your friends or families constant nagging on when you'll have a significant other make you feel inadequate. Joy is reflective of what you feel inside not based on how someone else has the ability to make you feel. Ending the movie with a woman with knowledge of self confidently walking through a courtyard was brilliant because it redefined what happily ever means. So many movies have reused the same plot since the beginning of time. Girl has conflict, guy saves the day and their love or him seeing her redefines her entire existence. That's not reality. Sometimes you never get the fairytale love story and wasting your whole life waiting on it kills the best love story between the evolution of you. Seeing yourself redefines your existence, not a love interest. YOU ARE WORTHY AND SO MUCH MORE.
We all want somebody to love, but greatest love is the relationship you build with yourself. By building a great relationship with you it will begin a train reaction of others mirroring that love. I know sometimes it's lonely, but that's when you have to find things that you enjoy doing that make your life enjoyable. Write a book, start a podcast, take an art class, create the show, build the modeling portfolio- heck it doesn't matter what it is as long as it makes you happy. Don't based your happiness solely on a life checklist that was more than likely influenced by society. Set your own rules and experience things that are out of the norm. Over a year ago, I gave away pretty much everything I owned, brought a oneway ticket and watched life unfold. I visited family, met new people, and did some of the scariest things ever which was not have a plan. The more you begin to allow God to take control and release your expectations, you will see how life begins to unfold in greater ways than you could even imagine. Release your expectations and allow yourself to live freely without the restrictions of who everyone wants you to be.
When does it stop? When does our natural state become the new trend? No I'm not talking about the lash extension no make up make up looks, I'm talking about the real us. Corky and authentic as flawed as we want to be, but perfectly imperfect. There's nothing wrong with beauty enhancements, but can we make the skin we're in the NEW STANDARD of beauty. It's hard being a woman and even harder being a black woman. There's so much demand on being "Exotic", that so many women drive themselves crazy trying to appeal to what is acceptable.
As the credits of Nappily Ever ended, I wondered what happened to the fiance. Does it work out with the fiance or does she live happily ever after with the new guy? I laughed to myself recognizing how amazing the ending was because I realized she found love within herself. Ever since I could remember from a young age, I dreamily watched love stories about the girl who's met with conflict then meets the guy who changes her life. Those images have played in my mind constantly throughout the years and ultimately set an unrealistic expectation of a happy life. Fairytales and romance movies, tv shows, and books somehow have tried to convince us that life doesn't truly begin for a woman until she is chosen or found worthy by another person. Think of all the fairytales you've seen from Cinderella to The Little Memaid. Think about it, same plot different characters.
There are so many women in their twenties, thirties, forties, and even fifties wondering what they are doing wrong because Mr.Right or Prince charming hasn't found them yet and their life doesn't seem to ever begin in the way that they've always believed it would. The truth is your life begins the moment you start loving yourself and following suit into your purpose. We must reprogram our minds to realize that the fairytales we grew up watching do not set the standard of what our happily ever after can mean. I'm here to tell you that you are your own super hero. You wear a cape everyday you wake up and walk outside with your head held high as you're constantly bombarded with images of the "perfect woman" on instagram. Perfection doesn't exist and the happily ever after has as many loops and detours as a roller coaster.
Maybe you get pregnant early and end up a single mother, but you work your butt off, build your own business, and travel the world with your baby. Maybe you're older and divorced, it doesn't matter. You can choose to live your most fulfilling life at any stage in your life and journey.Your worth is not determined by a man or significant other finding worth in you. Happiness is not just waiting for that perfect guy or person to begin a life with. So what if you're 32 and have never had a serious relationship. Figure out what you love to do and go after whatever it is.
Maybe you get the guy or maybe you don't, but whatever you do live your best life. Don't let your friends or families constant nagging on when you'll have a significant other make you feel inadequate. Joy is reflective of what you feel inside not based on how someone else has the ability to make you feel. Ending the movie with a woman with knowledge of self confidently walking through a courtyard was brilliant because it redefined what happily ever means. So many movies have reused the same plot since the beginning of time. Girl has conflict, guy saves the day and their love or him seeing her redefines her entire existence. That's not reality. Sometimes you never get the fairytale love story and wasting your whole life waiting on it kills the best love story between the evolution of you. Seeing yourself redefines your existence, not a love interest. YOU ARE WORTHY AND SO MUCH MORE.
We all want somebody to love, but greatest love is the relationship you build with yourself. By building a great relationship with you it will begin a train reaction of others mirroring that love. I know sometimes it's lonely, but that's when you have to find things that you enjoy doing that make your life enjoyable. Write a book, start a podcast, take an art class, create the show, build the modeling portfolio- heck it doesn't matter what it is as long as it makes you happy. Don't based your happiness solely on a life checklist that was more than likely influenced by society. Set your own rules and experience things that are out of the norm. Over a year ago, I gave away pretty much everything I owned, brought a oneway ticket and watched life unfold. I visited family, met new people, and did some of the scariest things ever which was not have a plan. The more you begin to allow God to take control and release your expectations, you will see how life begins to unfold in greater ways than you could even imagine. Release your expectations and allow yourself to live freely without the restrictions of who everyone wants you to be.
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